The Fear
It never really occurred to me that I might be afraid. I just received my second set of brushes in the history of my makeup interest (which is a long time) . The first makeup brush I bought that didn’t come in the package with a product was a Sonia Kashuk in 2001! How I never managed to buy a single free standing brush for that long is amazing. I started wearing makeup when I was fifteen. Mostly eyeliner gloss and powder for the teenage oils but I should have at least had one brush. By the time I was 17 I was adept enough at application that I did not think twice about doing my own makeup for prom even though my Aunt Mel (also my hairstylist, makeup teacher and general Diva sourcebook) had done my hair for the day and could have easily done so for me. So with that I would have to assume that I am phenomenal at application because I was spending all my time practicing with crap!
That Sonia brush I bought that was a powder brush. I still have it. It is one of the best brushes I own. Then I met MAC. I was enraptured! I had a feeling of accomplishment when I went into that store, picked out a fierce lime green and stated, “I want to wear this.” without an inkling of doubt. The artist didn’t bat an eyelash and effectively showed me how to do it, with a bright pink lip! I started buying their brushes. I was convinced when they told me that if I took care of them like they explained it would last forever. I nodded in approval when they told me that they have never had to replace any of their brushes and they use them every day at work. I threw over the cash knowing that I was taking a step into eliteness. I had MAC brushes. My Mom would not approve of the price and I turned my nose up at the thought.
There were no buzzing florescent lights in this store. No trolling employees looking at you funny for buying drugstore makeup brushes. That strange feeling you have while standing in the aisle looking at the plastic packaging backed with cardboard trying to think what everything looked like on you or felt like against your skin. The unknown was in every box. You were about to waste some money. The girl at the cash register knew it and was smirking at you because she knew you were going to fail and you could not get your money back.
MAC was not that in any way. They were your friends giving you free lesson and expert advice. They were wearing faces full of makeup not like the slightly too oily face of the Rite Aid girl who was green not with envy but because if the lack of natural lighting in the store. MAC associates glowed with the efforts of man created natural light simulation. These people meant something and knew something thats why they wore sophisticated all black and oozed club savvy. And I had bought some! I could see myself narrowing my eyes and flipping my hair as plain Jennifer complemented me that next time I was as the drugstore. Who’s laughing now? I am. And so are my makeup brushes. So I felt. For a long time.
Until 1 year ago. I didn’t want to keep spending that much money. I had been coveting a $52 powder brush forever and still had not bought it. I mean $52?! I could not bring myself to do it. I go the counter and spend $250 but that is okay as long as I spread that amount over as many products as I can. Which meant not buying that brush. I knew that there was something else out there. I knew that cosmetics was largely like the food industry. One manufacture, lots of products, all the same, different names. So I started looking. I knew I would find exactly what I wanted and I would not have to spend too much cash. I started watching YouTube makeup videos about the same time and realize that I could use other people as buffers for experimentation. I didn’t have to buy the brushes, let someone else do it. I could sit back and review for the rest of my life if I wanted.
Two years later. I finally made a purchase. I am not sure if I really like the brushes yet but that is not the point. The point is since I got that package in the mail I am different. I have found at least two other companies that I am going to try and it has only been one day since I got the new ones. There are brushes out there that are not expensive and are good and there are brushes that are expensive that are good. I am going to try all of them that fit my fancy. Not just because I think I want something better, but because I am not afraid to try anymore.
I am not afraid.
I have lost “The Fear”!
